


Sapnap needs help

by DatShippingGirl



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sapnap is Done, just a crack fic tbh, oblivious idiots, sapnap is best boi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28475232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DatShippingGirl/pseuds/DatShippingGirl
Summary: A fic for my own enjoyment in which Sapnap is done with forever being the unwilling third wheel, no matter who he hangs out with.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 21
Kudos: 134





	1. Lunchtime Hell, part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone reads this, (which i severely doubt will ever happen) i tried ok. thank you.

“Oh my gosh Dream, stop it.” George mumbled, and huffed out an embarrassed laugh. Dream smirked back at George from across the table, and then suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders, and stared deeply into George’s eyes. Immediately, the playful atmosphere surrounding the lunch table was twisted into the serious atmosphere resembling one of an soap opera. 

A soap opera Sapnap had been seeing too much of recently to sincerely feel the seriousness of the mood. Instead, he sighed loudly. “I’m still here guys.” He called out loudly. “Feel free to notice this interruption and finally get a room.”

Neither Dream nor George took any notice of him. Big surprise there.

“Dream?” George whispered, his face immediately flushing brightly as he realised how close Dream’s face was to his own.

“George?” Dream whispered, equally as serious.

The two stared into each other's eyes. Exactly four seconds passed. (Why did Sapnap know this? Because he was bored the ****$%###$% out of his mind.) Then Dream cracked a stunning smile.

“Do you have a map?” He smirked. “Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.”

Sapnap gave up on life, and slumped face down onto the gum plastered table, trying desperately to block out the sounds of “WhAT!”, “DrEAm sTop iT” and, “aAAAaaahhh.” (He desperately wished to unhear the last one.)

For weeks, months, years he had been dealing with this crap, and he was done, DONE. Done of forever being the unwilling third wheel, love advice advisor, and a George #2 or Dream #2 when either of the pair decided that they wanted to practice their love confessions that would never see the light of day. Oh, and trust him! Sapnap had been trying to show these two oblivious idiots what was right in front of them ever since Dream had come up to Sapnap in the second grade and informed him he got tingly feelings whenever George got close.

Now, that was a conversation permanently ingrained in his memory. Along with the time Sapnap had found George in hysterics in the grocery store surrounded by many boxes of condoms because Dream had been coming over to his house alone the next day, and his love filled heart had refused to handle that knowledge.

The consistent buzz of his phone snapped Sapnap out of his thoughts, and he dove his hand into his pocket to collect it. As the screen lit up, and Sapnap read what was waiting for him, he let out a strangled scream. Neither of his two friends bothered to look up from their flirting to ask him what was wrong.

**Conversation between Dreamy ;) and sippycup**

**Dreamy ;):** Was that pick up line too much?

**Dreamy ;):** Dude, I can’t tell what his reaction was

**Dreamy ;):** Do you think he reacted in a good way?

**Dreamy ;):** No, i definitely made him too uncomfortable

**Dreamy ;):** sapnap, plz help me

**Dreamy ;):** why won’t you answer your phone?

**Dreamy ;):** plz help me george is too cute

**Dreamy ;):** help

Sapnap stopped reading the newest stream of ramble from Dream as he realised he still had fifty plus messages remaining. Fifty. Plus. All this over one conversation?! He turned to Georges texts. And immediately pleaded whatever god was out there to give him the break he deserved.

**(Conversation between Georgie and sippycup)**

**Georgie:** help

**Georgie:** sapnap

**Georgie:** please

**Georgie:** sapnap

**Georgie:** dream is too much of the perfect man

**Georgie:** how am i supposed to act after that line?!!

**Georgie:** Sapnap

**Georgie:** please tell me what to do

**Georgie:** stop ignoring your phone

**Georgie:** help

**Georgie:** me

**Georgie:** aaaaaaa

Sapnap flung his head back down on the table. How did the two oblivious love stricken fools even manage to flirt and text insanely fast at the same time. Were they even human? Squeezing his eyes tight, Sapnap prayed for someone, anyone, to save him from his very own personal Hell.

“Oh, hi guys!” A voice exclaimed cheerfully from behind him.

“Hey Bad, hey Skeppy.” George said, finally snapping out of his Flirting With Dream frenzy. 

“Guess what?!” It’s me and Skeppy’s 12th friendship anniversary today! Isn’t that right, Skeppy!” Bad said, plopping onto the seat next to Sapnap.

“Baldboyhalo.” Skeppy mumbled under his breath as he sat down on the other side of Sapnap.

“Yea, WaIT WhAt!” Bad screeched, his voice rising higher and higher and pitch. “Skeppy!!!!”

Face still scrunched on the table face down, Sapnap revised his prayer. Someone, anyone, except the other pair of oblivious love stricken fools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this was short.


	2. Lunchtime Hell, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap receives more torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Subpoena won't let me write in peace. Send help.

“SGePPy yoU MuFFiN HeAd!”

“I’m NoT DoinG ANyThIng!”

“oOOOoooooh GeOrGE!”

“DrEAm!!”

“EEEuHRRRRFHJFGHJKDYGUJKHNKJGHFHJKDXYXYUGHIOPVHJIO!” Sapnap, (yes, that last one was Sapnap) screamed, as the last of his patience dematerialised, and jerked his face away from the table with enough force to cause what he assumed was an important bone to crack.

The four demonic presences in front of him finally fell silent, and stared up at him worried expressions that seemed to all state in agreement Sapnap had finally cracked. Dream gulped nervously as he peered up at the quivering man, as at some point during his frenzied rage, Sapnap had leapt up onto the table.

As he stood on Bad’s pile of now squashed blueberry muffins, Sapnap tried desperately to calm himself down. Clenching his eyes tightly together, he began to imagine a field of flowers, with dancing cherubs and harmonising big breasted anime girls. As Sapnap continued to imagine his admittedly somewhat pervy fantasies, his face relaxed into a smile.

He could handle one lunch break with two of the world's most annoying not-couples! After all, it was what he excelled at! He was the Ultimate Third Wheel, after all! (It didn’t matter who had given him that name during the circumstances of which they had met, but curses upon Tommy anyway.)

As Sapnap opened his eyes to the disappointing world he lived in, he was thankfully unaware of what his friends had just experienced. (Which was, a madman jumping onto the table with teeth gnashing, who had then closed his eyes and mumbled to himself, causing the teeth gnashing to make way to a maniac bordering psycho grin accompanied by hearty chuckles as Sapnap took on an All Might pose.)

Instead, he was painfully aware of the tight hug he had been strangled into, and the murmured mumbles of “there there” and “it’ll be okay” emitting from the person responsible for his depleted oxygen supply. Sapnap coughed awkwardly. “Um, I’m okay now, thanks Niki.” Sapnap mumbled to the ground, his awkwardness stemming from the fact that Wilbur (who Sapnap was convinced was a heat seeking missile when it came to Niki) was glaring rather pointedly at him.

Thankfully, Niki was quick to release him, Sapnap gasped a thanks as the oxygen that had been held from him came whooshing into his warm welcoming lungs. “I’m glad you're feeling better Sapnap.” She remarked kindly, and proceeded to gracefully jump off the table.

Gratitude filled Sapnaps tiny shrivelled heart. He had been saved! Thanks to Nihachu’s kindness, no longer would he be forced to sit alone in despair while surrounded by idiots in love who would either refuse to acknowledge they were in love (Bad, Skeppy), or that the other loved them back (Dream, George)!

As he took his rightful place sitting down next to the table, (instead of standing on it) Sapnap’s newfound gratitude immediately shrivelled as he noted where Nihachu had ended up after jumping off the table.

In Wilburs arms. The pair of them were both noticeably a dark, deep red as they separated themselves from the other. Sapnap fought back the urge to dissolve into hysterical laughter. Of course he would get stuck with yet another not-a-couple couple. He stared in disbelief at the now awkwardly separated pair, and prayed, yet again, for someone, anyone to come save him. (Really, you’d think he would’ve learnt by now.)

“Ultimate Third Wheel!” A voice screamed from behind Sapnap, causing the poor tortured man to shudder violently. Really, what had he done to deserve this? He was a relatively good student and friend, so why, WhY was he consistently made to suffer?

“Hey Tommy.” He mumbled back dejectedly, his surrounding friends murdering their own equally dejected greetings.

“Tommy! You made it!” Squealed Nihachu happily, grabbing Wilbur by the neck and pinning him down as he attempted to run away from the monster that was Tommyinnit.

“Made it?” Bad inquired, rather cautiously, probably due to the fact that the last interaction he had with Tommy had involved the Principal suddenly arriving at school with a POGGERS tattoo across his forehead and no pants. (At least, that was the most plausible rumour Sapnap himself had heard.)

Tommy held up a finger silently, and mouthed slowly what Sapnap assumed was wait, but, knowing Tommy, it could’ve as easily been the word penis. Forcing back his instinct to duck under the table, he simply watched along with the others as Tommy slowly counted down from five with his fingers.

There was a moment of (terrified) silence when he reached zero. Then-

“HAPPY AnNivERSAry BaD ANd SkEpPY!!!” Tubbo screamed as he naruto ran through the cafeteria, holding two bottles of tomato sauce, which he proceeded to blast over everyone within general proximity of himself. As Tubbo came closer and closer, Sapnap abandoned the last shreds of his pride and followed his former instincts to jump under the table- which only made him an easier target for Tubbo to obtain.

Sapnap emerged from under the table, with no doubt that he had achieved the look of someone who had been a victim of a serial killer. “Shut up.” He mumbled to the infuriatingly unscathed Dream, who was doubled over and wheezing while pointing a shaking hand at Sapnap.

Still doubled over and wheezing, Dream shook his head. “No, I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing at  _ that. _ ” He managed to get out before collapsing again into a stream of wheezes. Sapnap slowly turned to follow the direction of Dream’s hand, which he had previously mistaken to be pointing at him.

He found himself facing the beautiful sight of Bad gushing over the Hallmark anniversary card Nihachu was proudly handing over to him, while George stifled his own giggles from beside Bad and Skeppy- swivelling back around, Sapnap found Skeppy hiding under the table, face in hands.

Sapnap narrowed his eyes in confusion. What was so funny and potentially embarrassing about receiving a friendship anniversary card? Twelve years  _ was  _ a pretty big achievement after all, so why was everyone acting so strange about it- Sapnap’s eyes focused on the cards design.

Oh.

So that was why.

This was no ordinary friendship anniversary card, simply because it was not a friendship anniversary card at all. A sense of overwhelming doom shuddered through Sapnap. Pure experience in all things love told him that this was not going to end well. At all.

“SGEPPY!” Bad screeched happily, scrambling under the table to join Skeppy. “SGEPPY, look at this really nice card Niki got us!!” He exclaimed, practically vibrating with happiness. 

“Um, it’s okay.” Skeppy mumbled, eyes cast down to the floor. “I don’t need to see it.”

“WHA- you don’t like it Skeppy?” Bad whispered, scooting so close to Skeppy until their noses were practically touching. “Do you not like me then? Do you not want to be my friend?”

Sapnap and Dream exchanged looks. Sapnap could tell Dream, who was only oblivious to the fumbling love endeavors of his own beloved, had noticed the way Skeppy’s cheeks had flushed a bright red when Bad had moved closer.

Deciding to put poor Skeppy out of his misery, Sapnap opened his mouth with a planned distraction- only to be interrupted by Dream.

“It’s not that Bad doesn’t like you as a friend Skeppy.” Dream practically purred. “But more the fact that Niki’s card is celebrating your 12th year anniversary-” Dream paused dramatically, causing Sapnap’s eyes to roll involuntary. Skeppy meanwhile, was desperately mouthing stop to Dream, while shaking his head violently, but this only caused Dream’s smile to widen more. 

“As boyfriends.” He stared down expectantly at BadBoyHalo, who blinked once. Twice. 

“WhAT!” Bad shrieked, glancing around the room violently, until his eyes found a confused looking Nihachu.

“YoU ThOuGHt WE WerE DaTinG!!” He shrieked, accidentally jabbing Skeppy in the eye as he lifted a hand to point at him. 

“Oh, sorry Skeppy, BuT STiLL! HoW?! ANd WhY?!” Bad screamed desperately.

“Wait”, Niki said, a look of pure confusion still on her face, “you guys really aren’t dating?”

“NO!” Skeppy and Bad shouted in unison.

“But, but.” Niki sputtered, and pity surged through Sapnap. Poor girl. She obviously wasn’t used to having to deal with oblivious lovers, since she herself was usually one of them.

“I think what Niki means to say”, Dream cut in smoothly, saving Nihachu from turning into anymore of a spluttering mess, “is how can you not be dating? I mean, look at that position you guys are sitting in right now.”

Both Skeppy and Bad’s faces turned a bright scarlet red as they took notice of where the other was. Somehow, in the midst of his shouting rage, Bad had ended up situating himself comfily in the others lap, and Skeppy’s arms were now wrapped comfortably around his middle.

“I mean, it could almost be a sex position.” Dream said slyly. Silence ranged around the table of hooligans. 

“Maybe that was a bit too much?” Sapnap mumbled to Dream, as he watched with deep concern as Skeppy abruptly stood up, lifting the table and Badboyhalo up with him, and walked off into the depths of the cafeteria, the table wobbling dangerously on his head but still (somehow) staying on.

“No.” Dream replied firmly, determination colouring his tone, causing George and Sapnap to exchange a look of pure horror. The last time Dream had shown this level of determination, they had ended up locked in the bathroom with Dream’s mum as she taught them about safe sex. (It was a long story.)

“Dream…” Sapnap stated cautiously, “what are you planning..?”

Dream leveled him with a maniac stare. 

“Those two are completely meant for each other.” He said seriously. “Sapnap, George, come to mine after school. It’s time to bring back the I Stan Club.”

Sapnap’s scream of horror was cut off by the shrill ring of the bell. When would his torture end?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone actually makes it to the end of this long ramble, you are appreciated greatly.


	3. Time to plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three boys, (two more invested in it then another) try to find a way to get their friends together, instead of focusing on their own issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this makes zero sense I am deeply apologetic.

Staring up at George and Dream from his comfortable position on Dream’s bed, Sapnap tried to ignore the pair's fumbled attempts at flirting by wallowing through his own self pity. 

The I Stan Club (A club which had been brought together simply due to Dream trying to get his sister a boyfriend, and had then been broken up simply because just when they had succeeded in getting Drista to like a guy, it had turned out he was gay) had been reinstated, by the devil himself, Dream, forcing Sapnap to participate in another one of his friends horrible schemes. And, seeing as the I Stan Club was a scheme Sapnap himself had already experienced, he could speak with absolute confidence that 

“This is a terrible idea.” Sapnap said, and then immediately froze, having not planned to say anything outloud during the whole club meeting, low behold he enraptured the feared Dream’s attention. Silence filled the room after his (painfully honest) declaration of truth. 

Apparently giving up on simultaneously flirting with Geoge, texting Sapnap for advice and drawing...err… artistic representations of Bad and Skeppy on the white board he had conjured out of nowhere, Dream slumped onto the floor.

“You’re right.” He moaned, tossing the whiteboard marker onto the ground. The instant relief that filled Sapnap at this knowledge was barely felt before it was taken away again by one sentence:

“Getting them to give Valentine cards to each other won’t work if they won’t admit even to themselves they're in love.” Dream concluded, much to Sanap’s continuing misery. “We have to do more than that. We have to give them their, um-”

“Gay awakening for their best friend?” George said dryly. 

“Yes!” Dream said, softening under George’s gaze, “you get it George” he continued, more softly, a touch of seriousness bleeding in.

As Sapnap witnessed the two, (once again) get lost in each other's eyes, the sexual tension rising in the room quickly became too much to bear. Desperate to prevent another three hour burt of flirting, he quickly blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Y’know what would be a perfect place for an I’m-gay-for-my-best-friend-awakening? A sleepover. Especially one where some very special people are forced to share a bed!” Sapnap concluded with a wide grin stretched so far across his face it was painful, as he realised that what he had just said was possibly the best idea in the world and now he would be forced to deal with the aftermath.

A moment of silence followed, with Dream and George (thankfully) breaking their prolonged eye contact to gape simultaneously at Sapnap.

Sapnap groaned loudly. “Let me guess, you want me to host this sleepover?” He stated tiredly, running one hand over his face. Taking in the pairs frenzied nods, he stood up from the bed, grabbed his phone and departed the scene.

“Text me the details!” Sapnap called out halfheartedly, already knowing that as soon as he stepped outside of the house, his phone would start contionoulsy buzzing not about said details, but rather the “I’m gay for my bestie and I can’t handle going to a sleepover that they will be at, even if three other people will be there too.”

Sapnap had only made it past Drista’s room when the buzzing began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writers block is kicking in. Someone send help. Please


End file.
